Relationship success isn’t just about finding romance—it’s the single-biggest predictor of our overall happiness, according to a compelling Harvard study. When we look around, it’s clear some couples thrive for decades while others struggle to stay connected beyond the honeymoon phase.

What makes a relationship successful in the long run? Research from the University of California, Berkeley, shows that couples who use “we” language tend to be calmer, happier, and more satisfied than those who primarily use “you” or “I.” Additionally, qualities like trust, communication, and mutual respect form the foundation of strong relationships that stand the test of time. Studies also indicate that physical affection plays a crucial role, increasing feel-good hormones while simultaneously reducing stress.

In this article, I’ll explore the key differences between couples who maintain happiness and those who fall apart. We’ll examine how to keep a relationship strong and happy through supportive behaviors that studies show positively impact both self-improvement and relationship quality. Whether you’re starting fresh or looking to revitalize an existing partnership, understanding these patterns could transform your approach to love and connection.

Building a Strong Start in a Relationship

The foundation of a successful relationship isn’t built on intense chemistry—it’s established through emotional safety. Neurobiology research confirms that emotional safety ranks as one of the most crucial aspects of a satisfying loving connection ^[1]. This fundamental need for safety is deeply wired into our minds and bodies through our autonomic nervous system.

When we feel safe with our partner, our brains allow us to collaborate, listen, empathize, and connect more deeply. Conversely, if we perceive danger, all our resources shift toward protection mode rather than connection. Consequently, creating this secure environment becomes essential for building the kind of relationship that can flourish over time.

Emotional safety isn’t about being boring—it’s about establishing trust with another person and feeling secure enough to be open and vulnerable. I’ve found that relationships built on this foundation enable both partners to appear as their authentic selves without fear of judgment or rejection. Furthermore, couples who feel emotionally safe report feeling valued, seen, heard, and understood ^[2].

Shared values serve as another cornerstone for relationship longevity. A Utah State University study revealed that individuals sharing two commonly held values experienced higher marital satisfaction than those without closely aligned values ^[3]. These couples argued less and enjoyed their marriage more.

Rather than focusing exclusively on immediate chemistry, successful couples cultivate curiosity about each other. As one relationship expert notes, “The truth is: we don’t know the people we date until we actually KNOW them” ^[4]. Indeed, getting to know someone takes time—rushing commitment out of anxiety or for reassurance often leads to difficulties later.

Research by Dr. John Gottman identified several early predictors of relationship success, including “soft startups” in conversations and avoiding what he called the “four horsemen”: criticism, contempt, stonewalling, and defensiveness ^[5]. The four horsement represent communication patterns that are frequently present in disconnected relationships and may undermine your connection from the beginning.

What Keeps Couples Happy Over Time

Maintaining long-term happiness in relationships requires deliberate effort. Research shows that 75% of couples report regular, intentional actions are essential for sustaining relationship satisfaction ^[6]. Contrary to popular belief, relationship longevity isn’t about avoiding problems—it’s about creating consistent practices that nurture connection.

Open, honest communication serves as the cornerstone of lasting relationships. When partners share their hopes, fears, insecurities, and dreams, they create deeper understanding and trust ^[7]. Moreover, couples who practice active listening report stronger bonds and greater mutual respect ^[8]. Though honest conversations can feel uncomfortable initially, they ultimately strengthen the connection between partners.

Regular relationship check-ins represent one of the most effective maintenance strategies. These structured conversations provide opportunities to discuss what’s working, address concerns before they escalate, and express appreciation ^[9]. During these check-ins, successful couples create a distraction-free environment where they can connect on a deeper level ^[10]. For instance, setting aside 5-10 minutes daily to share highlights, challenges, and appreciation points helps partners remain emotionally attuned ^[10].

Daily rituals likewise play a crucial role in keeping couples connected. As marriage specialist Dr. John Gottman notes, “the intentional couple” actively nurtures positive elements in their relationship ^[11]. These rituals include:

• Creating a meaningful reunion habit each day
• Setting aside two minutes of undistracted daily communication
• Practicing daily appreciation to counter taking each other for granted

Nevertheless, maintaining independence remains equally important. Healthy relationships thrive with a balanced dance between togetherness and autonomy ^[12]. Just as atoms bond when distance is optimally balanced, couples flourish when they can maintain connection without sacrificing individuality ^[12].

Flexibility and compromise serve as essential components in this balancing act. Successful relationships involve being open to change and willing to adjust to new circumstances ^[6]. Ultimately, what distinguishes happy couples is their ability to be intentional about nurturing their connection amid life’s inevitable challenges.

(PART II of this article coming soon.)

References

[1] – https://www.gottman.com/blog/emotional-safety-is-necessary-for-emotional-connection/
[2] – https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-do-you-create-emotional-safety-in-your-relationships
[3] – https://www.breakthecycle.org/values-in-a-relationship/
[4] – https://www.chelseysterlingcoaching.com/post/what-the-beginning-of-a-healthy-relationship-actually-looks-like
[5] – https://baylorlariat.com/2025/02/13/love-on-the-brain-here-are-some-predictors-of-successful-relationships/
[6] – https://ascensioncounseling.com/enduring-love-sustaining-happiness-in-long-term-relationships
[7] – https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/relationships-intimate-and-more/202102/honest-conversations-in-relationships
[8] – https://positivepsychology.com/communication-in-relationships/)
[9] – https://www.irinabaechlecounselingllc.com/irina-baechle-counseling/the-power-of-relationship-check-ins
[10] – https://www.byrdie.com/why-relationship-check-ins-are-more-important-5116727
[11] – https://www.gottman.com/blog/3-daily-rituals-that-stop-spouses-from-taking-each-other-for-granted/
[12] – https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/your-emotional-meter/202502/balancing-togetherness-and-independence-in-relationships