After studying couples for decades, researcher John Gottman found seven important skills for successful relationships. The good news is that all these skills can be learned.

1. Enhance your love maps: learn more about each other, be interested again, date again.

2. Nurture your fondness and admiration: put a positive spin on your marriage’s history.

3. Turn toward each other instead of away: be a good friend to your partner, do things for each other, take your partner’s side.

4. Let your partner influence you: avoid resisting to what your partner has to say, be interested in your partner’s opinions, acknowledge when your partner is right. Partners who talk calmly about a problem are more likely to influence their partner.

5. Solve your solvable problems (30% of all couple’s problems): start talking softly, learn to make and receive repair attempts, soothe yourself and each other, compromise, be tolerant of each other’s faults,

6. Overcome gridlock: about 70% of couple’s problems are unsolvable. Learn to deal with such problems without becoming overwhelmed by them. Have a sense of humor about them.

7. Create shared meaning: integrate each partner’s opinions, values, traditions into a sense of meaning and partnership for the couple.

This is a highlight from the excellent book “The seven principles to make marriage work” by John Gottman.