Perfectionism is more than just a desire to excel; it’s an irrational and unattainable pursuit of flawlessness. At its core, perfectionism is fueled by fear — of failure, judgment by others, or not meeting one’s own unrealistic standards.

Perfectionists often struggle with their mental health due to low self-esteem and a deep fear of making mistakes. This can lead to procrastination since delaying or avoiding tasks is easier than confronting the pressure to do them perfectly. This perfectionism can also spill over into relationships with partners, children, and loved ones if they also have unrealistic standards for those around them.

If this sounds like you, how can you break free from this toxic mindset?

Challenge Your Unrealistic Standards

Next time you set yourself a standard (at work, at home, on your next task), challenge it by asking yourself questions. Are your standards attainable? Is it rooted in reality?

Consider whether this standard and others in your life are helping or hindering your progress. Adjust your expectations to more reasonable levels, allowing yourself room to grow.

Embrace Mistakes as Learning Opportunities

There’s no way around it: mistakes are simply a part of life. Rather than seeing them as failures, look at your mistakes as opportunities for growth. Each misstep is a chance to refine your skills, readjust your expectations, and learn something new.

Set More Realistic Goals

Sometimes, you might procrastinate because the goal in your mind is too big even to get started on. Break down your larger goals into smaller, more achievable tasks. This not only makes the process more manageable but also lets you celebrate small victories along the way.

Be Self-Compassionate

Avoid berating yourself when things go wrong. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a friend.

Question your critical inner thoughts and reframe them to be positive. For example, if you’re judging yourself for not getting started earlier, appreciate that you gave yourself time to recharge. Everyone struggles and makes mistakes, so allow yourself to do the same.

Learn How to Handle Criticism

Reacting to criticism with grace is an important adult skill. Since perfectionism is usually fueled by a fear of judgment from others, learning to accept others commenting on your performance is a big step toward adjusting your mindset. Don’t be afraid of constructive criticism; it’s an opportunity to learn and improve. And remember, smart criticism should never be a comment on you as a person.

Shift the Focus from Outcomes to Effort

Instead of fixating on the end result, shift your focus to the effort you put into a task. Acknowledge the hard work and dedication you invest, no matter how it turns out. This shift to a growth mindset allows you to enjoy the process rather than an (imagined) outcome that might never even materialize.

Celebrate Imperfections

Embrace the beauty in the imperfections you create. After all, perfection is just an illusion. Flaws and quirks add depth and character to everything and everyone around us.

Did you drop a stitch on the sweater you are knitting? Forgot to add one detail to a work project? The world will move on, and what you created is still great.

Are You Struggling with Perfectionism?

If you’ve been living with the negative effects of perfectionism, talking to a therapist can help. In therapy, you’ll learn to understand the why behind your behaviors and where your fear comes from. Your therapist will work with you to develop healthier coping mechanisms, accept what you cannot control, and strengthen your relationships with your work and loved ones.

To find out more about how therapy can break you free from perfectionism, please reach out to us.