How to Know if You’re in a Narcissistic Abusive Relationship
Abusive relationships can take many forms. Even when the abuse isn’t physical, emotional abuse is very insidious and can destroy lives. If you feel you might be in a narcissistic abusive relationship, it’s important to learn the warning signs and make a plan to exit safely.
What is Narcissistic Abuse?
Narcissistic abuse is a form of emotional abuse—the perpetrator may or may not be physically violent. Narcissists lack empathy, have delusions of grandeur, and are emotionally volatile. They manipulate and exploit the people around them. Often, the people they abuse are confused and don’t quite know what’s wrong with them. Here are seven signs that might show you’re in a narcissistic abusive relationship.
1. You’re Being Gaslit
Gaslighting is a tactic abusers use to make you doubt your sanity and decision-making. If you’re being gaslit, you might:
- Believe that everything wrong with the relationship is your fault
- Second-guess all your decisions
- Worry that you’re overreacting
- Feel anxious and have lowered self-esteem
2. You Dissociate to Survive
Dissociation is a response to trauma. It’s a survival technique you learn to avoid incurring the wrath of an abuser. Your reality is fragmented, dim, and numbing.
3. You’re Hypervigilant
Because a narcissistic abuser’s mood is so unpredictable, walking on eggshells is another way you’ve learned to survive. You feel anxious about provoking them into a rage, so you’re hyper-aware of your behavior and surroundings. This kind of perpetual stress takes a huge toll on your mental and physical health.
4. Your Boundaries Get Crossed
A narcissist doesn’t care about your personal privacy. They’ll accuse you of cheating, spying, or plotting against them as an excuse to look through your phone, email, and personal belongings. Any boundaries you assert are ignored. When you’re asking for alone time, they might even cross that boundary by love-bombing you.
5. You Prioritize People-Pleasing, Even at Great Cost
Narcissists make everything revolve around them. In this kind of abusive relationship, you lose your sense of individual identity. All you do is worry about their well-being, neglecting your own basic needs and desires. You probably feel isolated from other loved ones since the abuser takes all your energy and focus. They have a vested interest in keeping you away from friends and family, enabling them to cause you further harm.
6. You Engage in Self-harm, Suicidal Ideation, or Suicide Attempts
The isolating circumstances of the relationship can send you into a spiral of depression and hopelessness. You might feel like the relationship is inescapable, but also that you’re worthless for staying. People turn to self-harm and suicidal thoughts as a way to cope with such an impossible situation.
7. Your Health is Deteriorating
The long-term stress of an abusive relationship affects more than your mental health. Your spiked cortisol levels have wide-ranging consequences. You may develop chronic pain, heart issues, gastric upset, insomnia, or other health problems. Your immune system is struggling under the weight of the relationship.
Where do You go From Here?
If you’re in an abusive relationship of any kind, know that you are not alone and people want to help you. The first step is recognizing your situation and preparing to take care of yourself. Leaving your partner should be done carefully. The most dangerous time for a victim of abuse is the moment they leave the relationship. Make a safety plan with family and people you trust.
It’s important that you seek professional help to deconstruct the abuse you went through. A therapist can help you process the aftermath of the relationship and recover your freedom. After forming intense trauma bonds, you’ll need time and space to recover your mental health and self-worth.
To learn more about how therapy can aid you in your process of recovery from narcissistic abuse, please reach out to us.
