Self-Esteem Therapy

Fall in love with yourself, in a healthy way

Do you feel that your self-esteem is down? Would you like to feel more confident about yourself and your relationships? Would you like to learn more about yourself (your strengths and limitations) and lovingly accept who you are? Have you learned self-compassion as a way to self-acceptance? If you are in this path, we can help!

Even though we are social creatures, the most fundamental relationship is the one we have with ourselves. What we think and feel about ourselves is what dictates how we live our lives; it allows us to achieve our full potential. So it is important that we learn about ourselves, fall in love and stay in love with ourselves. Otherwise, we will tend to see others as responsible for our happiness and be often disappointed by them. It all starts within.

What is Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem, or self-love, refers to an individual’s sense of his or her value or worth, or the extent to which a person values, approves of, appreciates, prizes, or likes him or herself (Blascovich & Tomaka, 1991).

Self-esteem is a precious psychological resource that is very helpful in life. Healthy self-esteem is correlated with good mental health, achievement, good relationships, satisfaction, and the ability to weather off-putting evaluations from others. Low self-esteem can lead people to become depressed, fall short of their potential, or engaged in abusive relationships and situations.

Too much self-love, on the other hand, leads to an off-putting sense of entitlement towards others and an inability to learn from failures. It can also be a sign of clinical narcissism, in which individuals may behave in a self-centered, arrogant, and manipulative manner.

Can self-esteem change throughout life

Everyone is different and self-esteem may rise and fall throughout life in predictable ways. Life’s successes and setbacks, both personal and professional, can create variations in our feelings of self-worth. Research also suggests that self-esteem grows, by varying degrees, until age 60, when it remains steady before beginning to decline in old age.

What causes low self-esteem?

Feelings of high or low self-worth often start early in life. A childhood full of disapproval can follow a person into adult life. A poor school environment, a dysfunctional workplace or an unhappy relationship can also affect a person’s self-worth.

Life challenges may affect our self-esteem temporarily. It is important to let the grieving process move through us gradually, learn from the situation, until our self-esteem can rise again.

How can you increase self-esteem? Achieve our full potential?

It is crucial to know that no one person is less worthy than the next person, and no one is deemed more important. In order to feel more confident and have healthy self-esteem, it helps to put aside our fears of being worth less than others.

We are born to reach our full potential (known as self-actualization). Psychologist Abraham Maslow developed a hierarchy (pyramid) of human psychological needs that includes self-worth. At the bottom of this pyramid are our physical needs (such as breathing, eating). Once these basic needs are met, we can pursue needs for safety, love and belonging, and self-worth. By pursuing these needs, we can experience more meaning and fulfillment in our lives.

What we really need for a fulfilling life?

These human needs described by Maslow are not the same of what the world expects from us (having a family, a high-paying job, doing things perfectly, being popular, traveling the world, etc.). We do not need to buy into what the world “expects of us” in order to feel worthy. Being imperfect is perfectly fine. And setting our own goals, instead of following someone’s else, is fundamental for a strong sense of self.

The world’s expectations can easily makes us feel insecure and distressed. An insecure person needs reassurance from the people around them; this person wants others to make decisions and set goals for them. But using one’s inner compass is the first step toward feeling more secure and feeling healthy self-esteem.

Signs of Healthy Self-Esteem

The confident person can be quiet or loud and easily commands respect. Here are some signs that an individual has a healthy self-esteem.

• Knows the difference between confidence and arrogance
• Is not afraid of feedback from others
• Does not people-please or seek approval
• Is not afraid of conflict
• Is able to set healthy boundaries
• Is able to voice their needs and opinions
• Is assertive, but not pushy
• Is not a slave to perfection
• Is not afraid of setbacks, when things do not go their way
• Does not fear failure
• Does not feel inferior
• Accepts who they are
• Practices compassion towards themselves and others
• Learns how to grieve and learn from past losses and mistakes
• Follows their cultural and spiritual values (faith-based or secular)
• Can step back and look at the big picture of each situation

Begin Individual Counseling in West Des Moines, IA

You do not need to go alone when facing life challenges. Our caring therapists would be happy to provide support from our West Des Moines, Iowa-based practice. Regaining a sense of inner calm is possible, and we are here to help. To start your therapy journey, please follow these simple steps:

1. Contact us online, either to ask questions or self-schedule an appointment.
2. Start counseling, and fall in love with yourself in a healthy way!