4 Ways to Set Healthy Boundaries in Your Relationship
Relationships are built on communication. One of the best indicators of healthy communication is setting and maintaining boundaries. It’s healthy for both of you to set limits and stick to them. Separating your time and identity from your partner is one of the best ways to strengthen and grow your relationship.
Why Are Boundaries Important?
Boundaries help us keep a healthy distance from our partners. When we live, parent, and travel together, we devote a lot of time to one person. Without having moments just for ourselves, we can lose a sense of who we are outside the relationship. A partnership should consist of two healthy individuals coming together and creating something new rather than being so entwined you forget who you are. Unhealthy boundaries will make you feel uncomfortable, used, controlled, and violated. Healthy boundaries will make you both feel empowered, comfortable, and safe. Here are four ways to approach setting healthy boundaries.
1. Know Yourself and What You Want
If you go into a relationship without knowing your own needs and desires, it’ll be hard for a partner to meet them. Feeling secure in your independence will teach you what you want to get out of a relationship. Consider why boundaries are essential for you and which are relationship deal-breakers. This will help you approach relationships in an empowered, open way.
2. Assert Your Needs
As we emerge from the pandemic and working from home becomes more common, this is especially important. When you’re around each other 24/7, designating your alone time is key to maintaining some level of independence. Don’t shy away from talking with your partner about what you need from them. Feel free to tell your partner you’re going to see a movie alone, taking the afternoon to garden outside, or binge your favorite television show. Consider divvying up the spaces in your home. Try working in separate rooms or blocking off times when you’re each somewhere else. If it’s hard for you to be honest, try writing down your needs before setting aside time to talk them through.
3. Accept Your Partner’s Limits
As you learn to assert yourself more, be accepting when your partner does the same for you. Do they prefer to be in the kitchen alone without help? Do they set aside time to game online with friends? Respect that space they’ve carved out for themselves the same way you want them to respect yours. Your partnership is a two-way street, and active listening is a huge part of healthy communication. Encourage them to share their needs with you just as you’ve been sharing yours with them.
4. Learn How to Apologize
Crossing boundaries still happens, even when you’ve both been clear about them. Maybe you made an offensive joke or pushed them too far to overshare with you about a sensitive topic. These aren’t usually relationship-ending events. Still, an apology is definitely in order. An appropriate apology will go a long way to repairing the mistake and ensuring it doesn’t happen again. Be humble and respectful, and ask what they need from you going forward.
Still Need Help With Boundaries?
Crossing boundaries is a sign of a toxic relationship. If you’re worried that’s happening in your relationship, or if you’re struggling with setting them in the first place, couples counseling might be right for you. A licensed therapist can help both of you learn to be assertive, compassionate, and forgiving in times of high conflict. In the safe space of a counseling session, the three of you will navigate how to appropriately set and keep one another’s boundaries.
Please reach out to us to learn more about whether couples counseling is right for you.
