Whether you’re in a long-term relationship or connecting with someone new, performance anxiety can stop you both from enjoying sexual intimacy. Sexual performance anxiety is anxiety surrounding sex that can stem from body image issues, fear that you can’t satisfy your partner, worrying you won’t enjoy the experience, or problems in your relationship.
It’s important to note that performance anxiety is not the same as erectile dysfunction. While one may influence the other, they don’t always happen simultaneously. Fortunately, it is possible to overcome sexual performance anxiety.
Here are four ways to feel more pleasure during sex.
1. Communicate with Your Partner
When it comes to sexual performance anxiety, talking out your worries with your partner can be incredibly liberating. Sharing your thoughts can help demystify the issue and bring you closer together.
Start by choosing a calm, relaxed setting for the conversation. Express your feelings without placing blame on your partner. Make sure to emphasize that your goal is to work together to create healthy, pleasurable sexual experiences. By creating an open dialogue, you’ll eliminate shame about sex issues from the equation.
2. Focus on the Senses
Sensate-focus exercises are an approach to overcoming sexual performance anxiety that redirects your attention away from performance and towards your sensory experiences. These exercises involve a progressive series of intimate activities focused on touch and pleasure without the pressure of reaching a specific goal. This is great to practice if you have a long-term partner or someone willing to practice over multiple days.
Begin with non-genital touching, taking turns exploring and appreciating each other’s bodies. Gradually progress to more intimate touch over several sessions, from non-genital to genital to penetrative sensate focus. Talk with your partner and set ground rules for safety and consent before each time you do this. By concentrating on how your body feels during this experience rather than how you’re expected to perform, these exercises can help break the cycle of performance anxiety.
3. Practice Meditation, Mindfulness, and Yoga
Practicing mindfulness and other relaxation techniques can do wonders for managing the stress and negative emotions that contribute to sexual performance anxiety. Deep breathing exercises, meditation, and progressive muscle relaxation can help calm your mind, even when you’re not actively stressed.
Some studies actually show that yoga can increase sexual performance and help manage premature ejaculation. This is likely due to the way it strengthens the mind-body connection and improves age-related declines in testosterone.
Before getting intimate with a partner, take a few moments to center yourself. Focus on your breath, inhaling deeply through your nose and exhaling slowly through your mouth. This will alleviate tension and bring your attention to the present moment, giving you the headspace to connect more intimately with your partner.
But don’t just center these practices around when you’re having sex. Mindfulness and meditation techniques can take a while to perfect, and you’ll see improvement throughout your life with a more consistent routine. When you practice every day, you’ll also become more aware of your body and learn to appreciate its sensations and responses to stimuli.
4. Talk to a Therapist
If your sexual performance anxiety persists despite your efforts to work on it, consider talking to a therapist. Sex therapists are specifically trained to help address your intimacy issues in a safe, non-judgmental space.
Your therapist may use cognitive-behavioral techniques, talk therapy, or a combination of approaches to help you (and possibly your partner) overcome sexual performance anxiety. They’ll get at the root causes of your anxiety, help you challenge negative thought patterns, and give you practical strategies for improving your sex life.
To find out more about how therapy can alleviate sexual performance anxiety, please reach out to us.
