We live in a contradictory culture that is both obsessed with sex and treats it as shameful. Even as we have more open conversations about sex, anti-trans legislation and abortion bans are being enacted. You may have come across the term “sex positivity.” You may even be wondering how to live a sex-positive life. But what does the term truly mean?
Defining Sex Positivity
Sex positivity is a mindset that embraces sexuality as a natural, healthy aspect of human life. It rejects the idea that sex and sexual expression should be sources of shame or judgment. Instead, it promotes a nonjudgmental approach to exploring our sexual desires and identities.
Sex positivity also recognizes that sexuality is a deeply personal experience that no one can dictate for anyone else. A sex-positive ideology advocates for autonomy, consent, and respect for everyone, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity. In fact, you don’t even need to be sexually active to be sex-positive. Living a sex-positive life might mean:
- Being open to exploring your own body
- Accepting LGBTQ+ people, however they choose to identify
- Advocating for accurate sex education
- Discussing consent with your sexual partners
- Believing victims of sexual assault
- Getting regular STI screenings
- Accepting sexual practices that are different from your own, such as polyamory
- Considering sex a healthy part of life that should be discussed and celebrated
- Advocating for safe sex and access to birth control
What Isn’t Sex Positive?
Since sex positivity is a mindset, sex negativity is as well. These ideas are prevalent in our culture and often dictate how laws and educational policies are made. This attitude assumes sex is inherently dirty, shameful, risky, disgusting, and dangerous. Sex negativity can include:
- Slut-shaming
- Victim-blaming
- Negative attitudes and violence towards sex workers and LGBTQ+ people
- Abstinence-only education
- Viewing women as either virgins or whores
- Refusing to use someone’s preferred pronouns
What Sex Positivity in Therapy Looks Like
Therapy should always be a safe, nonjudgmental space. A sex-positive therapist takes these ideas a step further. Sometimes therapists shy away from talking about sex or don’t ask about it in relation to a client’s other issues. It’s also a common misconception that a sex-positive therapist also needs to be a sex therapist who only focuses on those problems with clients. When a therapist treats their clients with a sex-positive mindset, they instead incorporate discussions about sex into more sessions.
How to Become More Sex Positive
Living a sex-positive life might not come easy, but there are small manageable steps you can take. Start within your own body and in your social circles. If you want to get involved politically, keep it local at first. Look for community organizations and read up on your school district’s policies. You can also start by:
- Learning what your body likes
- Masturbating
- Using people’s preferred pronouns and sharing your own
- Inspecting any negative feelings and reactions you have about sex
- Supporting sex-positive governmental and educational policies
- Following sex educators on social media
- Reading sex-positive books and articles
Are You Struggling with Sex Negativity?
Unlearning toxic ideas about sex isn’t easy. Our culture is deeply sex-negative, and you have most likely internalized some very harmful ideas about sexuality. Consider seeing a sex-positive therapist and deconstruct your attitudes toward sex and how they’ve been influenced by society.
When you educate yourself about sex positivity, you’re already making a huge step toward living a life of advocacy and self-acceptance. By understanding the essence of sex positivity, you can break down your internal barriers and challenge societal norms.
To find out more about how therapy can help you shift your mindset about sex, please reach out to us.
